Who We Are & What We Do

April 18, 2021:

 

The day my best friend, my soulmate, the one person who helped me overcome years of physical, mental, and sexual abuse, my wife, passed away. For years, she fought mental health challenges, but in 2015, her physical and mental health began to decline. She was confronted with additional medical issues, grief, depression, and a lack of support services in our area. She had fibromyalgia, and in 2019, she underwent weight loss surgery, believing it would improve her health and allow her to enjoy time with our grandchildren. However, instead of improving, her health worsened rapidly after the surgery. She was devastated by the loss of her son to the prison system, a consequence of his own decisions, and then, tragically, she lost him again when he passed away in prison at the age of 21. She struggled with severe depression, largely caused by the psychological abuse inflicted by her eldest son, and the constant fear for our daughter, who was trapped in an abusive relationship. Every day, we lived with the uncertainty of whether we would receive a call telling us the abuse had gone too far.

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She sought help from multiple psychiatrists, but their solution was always medication—no counseling, no support groups. It was during the COVID pandemic when her company sent everyone home to work. From Monday to Friday, she worked until 3 p.m., and then, after clocking out, she would retreat to her home office, where she would cry, sleep, drink, or simply sit in a daze. She didn’t want to do anything. As time passed, both her physical and mental health continued to deteriorate. She would tell me at least once a week, “I’m not going to hurt myself, but I wish God would take me away so I don’t have to hurt anymore.”

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As her wife, I had never experienced the loss of a child, or any significant loss, until she passed. I would try to console her—telling her it would be okay, that we could pray about it, or that time would heal her pain. I told her that we loved her and needed her. But when she passed, I realized none of those words helped. There was nothing I could have said to ease her pain because I didn't truly understand what she was going through.

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What might have helped was access to support groups after work. Grief support, fibromyalgia groups, self-care workshops, depression, Alcoholics Anonymous, or events that allowed her to connect with others experiencing similar struggles. A safe, unbiased space where she could escape the isolation of home and the weight of reality. Perhaps a book club focused on trauma recovery, or a trauma-informed space where peace could be restored. These spaces could have helped her learn coping skills. Maybe, just maybe, she would have been able to identify her triggers before falling into the dark place from which she never returned.

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In the wake of her passing, I too began to descend into that darkness. But in June 2021, I heard her voice and felt her touch. She whispered, “Katrina, you are the strongest person I have ever known. How do you do it? How do you keep going, not letting this world knock you down?” My reply was simple and powerful: “I will not let this world, or the devil, put me in a grave.”

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In that moment, I made a decision to channel my grief, my hurt, and my pain into something that would make a difference for others—to help them escape their own dark places. I drew on my skills, the data I had gathered through focus groups, community input, and my own experiences, to create a space that would offer what my wife and countless others so desperately needed. A space like no other in Northeast Florida—a place for LGBTQIA+ adults to find refuge from the harsh realities of their lives. A place where they can be their authentic selves, free from judgment. A place that offers structured events, unstructured activities, and a connection to vital resources.

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This is the 211 hub for the LGBTQIA+ community, linking individuals to services that are affirming and LGBTQIA+ friendly—housing, employment, food, transportation, medical care, legal support, victim services, and so much more. We are not here to duplicate existing services; our mission is to bring organizations together, to unite Northeast Florida like never before. We invite other organizations to partner with us, to use our space as a scattered site for after-hours and weekend services. We encourage individuals to share their visions with us, so we can grow and expand into a unique LGBTQIA+ hub that serves Duval, Clay, St. Johns, Nassau, Baker, and surrounding counties.

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COLORS Jax Resource Center is a space built on the principles of love, support, and growth. Our goal is to uplift and empower the community, helping people turn their dreams into reality. This is a place where healing begins, where transformation happens, and where we build each other up.

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With love and hugs,
Katrina Williams
President & Founder
COLORS Jax Resource Center